


At The End of A Loss

by orphan_account



Category: Formula E RPF
Genre: Angst, Implied Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 17:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13486485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: His house was a mess, heck, his entire life was a mess.





	At The End of A Loss

“Are you okay?” Those three words. He fucking hated those words. Ant puts down his coffee as he looks up at Felix after he asks the question. “I’m still breathing, yeah?” Ant says as he hears Felix sigh. “You know what I mean.” Felix says as he pointedly looks at his friend. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” Ant says as he finishes the rest of his coffee before picking up Felix’s barely touched mug and dumps its content into the sink. He’s not fucking okay. 

His house was a mess, heck, his entire life was a mess. The only thing keeping him going were his dogs and the fact that he signed a contract that he can’t get out of without losing more than he has. He’s moved out of the master’s bedroom in his house and moved what he needed to the guest room. He keeps that room locked with all of the other stuff still inside. He doesn’t know when his own house started to feel like his own personal prison even if he has an idea why it became that way. 

Ant was cleaning up the mountain of dishes that’s piled up on the sink. Why does he have so many plates and cups? It was almost as if it was in another life time that his house was where they’d all hangout together. Now he barely turns on the lights and pool has been drained for a long time. He spends the rest of the afternoon sorting out all the plages he owns. He keeps only a set of dishes for six people as he eyes up a pile of plates he’s moved to the side. Ant doesn’t know how but something in him snaps as he picks up some of the plates and proceeds to throw them at his empty pool. He hasn’t felt lighter since he could remember as he grabs the rest of them and proceeds to smash them against the pool wall as Ant screams out all his frustrations. 

Dani and Felix show up one day. “We just wanted to check up on you.” Felix says as he holds out a bag of food to Ant. “I’m fine.” Ant says as if to tell them that they can leave now. “Let’s eat.” Dani says as he pushes past Ant to serve up the food they brought. The dogs start jumping up and yapping at Dani as he tries to calm them down on his way to the kitchen. “What happened to your plates?” Felix asks as he spots the pile of smashed up bits of porcelain at the bottom of the empty pool. “Didn’t need them anymore.” Ant says with a shrug. “Okay, stop. Fucking stop.” Dani says as he turns to look at his friend. 

“You have to stop this Antonio.” Dani says pointedly. “Stop? Just like that? You think this is fucking easy? It’s not okay, it’s not fucking easy!” Ant shouts as he throws his arms up and turns away from them. Felix and Dani could hear their friend’s soft sobs as the two of them share a look. “One minute he was there and then he wasn’t! I couldn’t even be there when he needed me! And now he’s gone and no matter how much I fucking want him back he’s never coming back because it’s fucking impossible!” Ant yells. Words that he never thought he’d be saying. Words that shook him to his core just going over them in his head. “Robin’s fucking gone!” 

Grief was the extreme sadness that one feels after experiencing a great loss. But no one told Ant what the feeling of a life suddenly flipped upside down and ripped in half is called. The feeling of always seeking out the warm body that belongs on the other side of the bed. The feeling of the clothes on the other half of the closet never being worn again by their owner. It was a grim reality that’s now become Ant’s reality.


End file.
